recently

recently, my study plan has been quite messed up (or to be precised do i ever have a study plan ever since i reached prague from malaysia?)

NOT GOOD NOT GOOD!!!!

recently, my sleeping cycle has been messed up as well!!!

coffee no longer can keeps me awake!

NOT GOOD NOT GOOD!!!

recently, the feeling of not being able to finish what i m supposed to finish

yet the laziness is trying to take control makes me feel restless!!

NOT GOOD NOT GOOD!!!

recently, many thoughts have run through my tiny delicate XD brain

and untill now there are some thoughts that are still crawling in my mind and refuse to lose their grip on me

and 1 of those which makes me very much indeed still in a regretful and confusion state

(aih the timing and seeting are not in the right place..my heart still bleeding!i wont be able to find back such opportunity not unless the destined fate says the meeting shall be fulfilled in the future..hmm very unlikely *sigh*)

and the other 1 is the old, obsessive and possessive feeling has again come back but i reckon it would fade away very soon XD (i hope so, cause this really might cause me to spend my time floating in the air =P)

so GOOD or NOT GOOD by having those thoughts?

perhaps they exist not in a good way(?) cause they cant make me concentrate on my study (wow, er well the severity is not what you have thought it might be though it sounds like 1)

DECIDED

i shall start my engine and gain back my energy, concentration and get rid of my lazy bug NOW!!!

papa and mama still waiting for my summer return!!!

I DEFINITELY want to spend more time with them!!!

Order my steps with your words Lord!! =)

原谅我 jam xiao

原諒我(歌詞)(阿沁作詞)

請不要分了以後還記得親吻過的承諾
妳的永久已不屬於我
默默低頭那時我很多話哽在喉嚨
妳的笑妳的快樂
或許我愛太多想太多
我能感受
他比我適合
愛放了手
我偽裝冷漠
逼妳先說分手

請原諒我
原諒我不成熟
不愛妳是藉口
好讓妳離開我
請原諒我
好想自私將妳佔有
妳的寂寞就給我承受　
換妳過更好的生活

請不要分了以後還記得親吻過的承諾
妳的永久已不屬於我
默默低頭那时我很多話哽在喉嚨
妳的笑妳的快樂
或許我愛太多想太多
我能感受
他比我適合

愛放了手
我偽裝冷漠
逼妳先說分手

請原諒我
原諒我不成熟
不愛妳是藉口
好讓妳離開我 nono
請原諒我
好想自私將妳佔有
妳的寂寞就給我承受　
換妳過更好的生活

愛過恨過哭過也笑過
親吻過妳的脆弱
其實我比誰都要懦弱
原諒我
必須假裝愛錯
別讓時間逗留
我怕說不出口 喔~
原諒我
沒有解釋太多
心痛
別無所求
徹底忘了我
愛原來有捨得

我難過
我才懂

i like sad song especially at moment like such when i am so depressed because of exam. Is a way how i get rid of my sorrow and sadness.

ps: will not give up, will i? i refuse to strain my brain since yesterday..next week..i have no idea how it will be..but because He lives, i can face tomorrow!! and again, i need your prayer =) thanks!

i like this =)

a long time ago, from heaven there was a plan regarding you.
The Lord saw it and said that it was good, more precious than anything in this world, He carefully created us with His hands.
Be happy through me, He says. For I love you. =)

Yes Lord, i love you for You wipe my tears and give me joy and peace. For that reason, my prayer will never ceased, now and always. =)
taken from super junior song for you, i modified abit , but the meaning doesnt change and i like it very much!!!! =)

christmas break is coming 2 more days to go.
needless to say, i can forsee that this break is gonna be crazy as always
but i just pray that i will be able to bear in mind the true meaning of christmas and celebrate it with a heart that will please the Lord =)

in the word christmas, christ comes first!! ^^

Jesus, our saviour, who died on the cross for us, to wash our sins away, to reunite us with God
is BORN on the christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Christmas wouldnt be right without Jesus =)

See the Virgin is delivered
In a cold and crowded stall;
Mirror of the Father's glory
Lies beside her in the straw.
He is Mercy's incarnation
Marvel at this miracle!
For the Virgin gently holds

the Glorious Impossible.

He was bruised for our transgressions
And he bears eternal scars.
He was raised for our salvation
And his righteousness is ours.
Praise, oh, praise him, praise the glory
Of this lavish grace so full.
Lift your souls now and receive

the Glorious Impossible!

Yes!!! Glorious Impossible!!!! =)

What more can we ask for christmas when Jesus is the best gift that Lord has given to us!!!

NOW & ALWAYS!!!

I LOVE YOU , LORD!!!!!!!! =)

a weird week

hmmm seriously, this week is really okay as in it is normal, nth bad or uneasy things have happened

BUT then dont know why, i feel uneasy for an unknown reason

i feel kind of lost somehow

is time to go back to the heart of worship!!
this thought hitted me so hard yesterday
when i sat down there quietly, not knowing why i was there
thats the time when i know i should re-focus and go back to the heart of worship!
and the song heart of worship fits perfectly with the situation that i m in now
very hard to explain why i feel so but i just know i have such feeling which is telling me i need to go back to the heart of worship

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than just a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

Its all about you
Jesus

ps: when i m trying to do remember what i m studying as hard as i can, i am taken aback to realise how lousy i m when it comes to the words of God!i simply just read it without giving my effort to remember them!!! and yesterday, Lord just told me how shallow my knowledge is. Yes, dont just read the bible because you are asked to but because you love to do so! they are not just words, they are the reason why you are here!

pps: loosing my concentration bits by bits!!! arghhh need to find my ohm back!! focus la duh!! you are way lagging behind la aunty!!!!!!!!!!! *sigh*

==================分割线==============================

有时候，有个人老呆在你身旁，无时无刻都粘着你，是种幸福。*叹气*
就在昨晚，我想念这种幸福。

~~~~~

hurmph
whenever i listen to this praticular song i ll be picturing this scene =P

轻轻地，我把头轻靠在他的肩膀，肩并着肩坐在汉江的河堤旁，共同聆听这首歌，就这样，静静地, 聆听着，
静静地，一同望着晚霞，
静静地，感受着彼此的心跳，
静静地，紧握着彼此的手，用心体会手心所传递的温暖, 暖到心坎，满满的暖意，萦绕着心房
再
静静地，对望彼此，
轻轻地，微微的扬起嘴角，传递心中的悸动。

就这样，安静的。
无需语言，就在此刻，幸福环绕着彼此 。

ps: 我知道，以上的情景实在是肉麻至极！！没办法，是你自己要阅读的，我可没逼迫你。
再说，哎呀，原谅我嘛，少女（*咳咳咳*）情怀嘛，敬请谅解=P

但是，说真的，难道你们不觉得这很浪漫吗？ 有时候，简单就是幸福=)

pps: 一定要在汉江河堤旁！！！！我不管啦！我管你，我一定要在那里，实现它！！！=P

do you like medicine?

yesterday jessi asked us

so do you really like medicine?

she asked so as she hasnt decided which course she should takes up as she is now on a gap year

i hesitated
and i asked myself
do i like medicine?
unsurprisingly, the answer was and it will always be is i don't know
well, of course i did not choose this course randomly
cause i seriously dont like physics
chemistry (nah still okay but not my stuff)
so i ended up "likin" biology
and when i was trying to figure out what should i apply for my JPA scolarship
after reading through the list
medicine and denstistry look appealing to me
at certain point, i nearly wanted to change my course from medic to dentistry on my application form
BUT THEN, i dont wish to just face the teeth all my life
so in the end, medic stays on my form
*to be frank, during primary and secondary school, i have always wanted to be a lawyer. Why? i don't know, this profession just attracts me ever since i got to know this profession.*
and even if i dont get JPA, i would still stick to medicine after form 6
why?
i dont like bioscience etc well let put it into a simple word
i dont like lab works!

yeah,
sometimes i really have no idea why at the first place i have chosen to study medicine
and i ll try to give up some crappy reason which sounds very noble and great
for example
because i would like to help those needy ppl, because i would like to contribute to the society by saving others ppl life etc
but if i give it a deeper thought,
yes i DO want to help others with the knowledge that i m going to learn within the 6 years course
but i have such thoughts AFTER i started my medical study not BEFORE my medical study

but then
i thank God that as time passes by,
the will of wanting to help other and be a good doctor has been growing stronger and stronger
yet,
weird enough to say,
there is no specific reason for such changes.

i really dont know why i have chosen medicine
and i dont see a reason why i should find myself a reason
as the time will tell me why
besides that,
i have never thought of giving up to study medicine
and this reason is more than enough to assure me that i need not find a reason for that.

anyhow,
sometimes
i might be wondering
why God grants me JPA scholarship to study medicine
when at times i might be thinking such a person like me who is lazy and hope for an easy life
has been given the privilage to study medicine under scholarship.
He indeed has been gracious to me all the time!
but
seriously, sometimes i ll be wondering, i should just get married to some one who loves me and willing to 养我(sorry cant find a suitable english word for that)
and
i ll just be a housewife.
taking care of household chores, looking after my children etc
isnt that sounds very wonderful and nice
you have your own family to take care of and they ll be bonded to you FOREVER, like it or not =P
and when i m old, i just need to take care of my cucu-cicit (grandchildren), having them sitting around my rocky chair *awwwwwwwwwwwh*
most important thing is, you wont be pushing yourself to hard, squeezing your brain like crazy, tension like hell, heart throbbing everytime sitting for exam, waiting for the result..
you wont be exploiting your cortisol and torturing your adrenal gland whenever the alarm of stress rings!

ANYWAY, i m not questioning God.
in the other way, i give thaks to Him and He opens a door for me which makes my future looks clearer, He gives me the frame of my future. If not, i guess i m still wondering what my future ll be looked like.

YET
a person like me who ll get bored with the same thing over some times (yeah i hate to admit it but i m such person *sigh*)
i know i ll never be satisfied (somehow) with an easy-going life though i m longing to have 1
therefore, i know i can only fulfill my dream(yeah is my dream) when i m old enough and have already retired.
at that time, supposedly, my grown up children ll be getting married and getting me grandchildren.
at that time, hehe i ll be busy of taking care them, telling them story while sitting at the rocky chair (forgive me, i have this fantasy on grandparents should sit on rocky chair with theis granchildren around them)
with this NOBLE task occupying me
i know i ll be satisfied and wont get bored.

oh-oh!! should start finding 1 now so that my dream will come true=P
and yes! i m a family person (i hope) =)

PS: sorry for the crap on the last part XD

i ll end with the verse that we have learned last week

May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my redeemer!

psalm 19:14

Amen!

in a split of few seconds =)

i give thanks to God that He has let me made a correct decision in a split of seconds=)

able to save it for the 1 who is supposed to have it as a whole ^^

be patience as this day will come
when you can truly give it as a complete "it" to the 1 who will take it as a precious gift and handle it with care and love =)
just as what flo has said
we dont have much space
so just try to save it as hard as you can

i m still keeping it nicely in the place where it is supposed to be (i hope) ^^

you are borned to be loved ^^

how i got to know this song?
because the church members sang this song to kyuhyun after his recovery from the accident
and
he cried while listening to it
besides that, it is also sang by a 5 years old blind girl who can actually play the piano without learning it
she can play perfectly!! seriously!!
and she performed this song in a show
is really a touching 1

yes sometimes some babies, since the day they are borned, they are borned with some defects
sometimes, they might carry this defect throughout their life
they might ask why, well, we dont really know
the only answer we can give is
God has His own good reason, like there is this pastor who are borned without extremities,
God uses him to spread His word to others, and indeed, his story has touched ppl's heart.
in a conclusion
what we can tell the them is
you are borned to be loved!!because GOD is love!!!
He loves us first before we are borned!!
and His love will be with us forever and ever!! AMEN!!!
just like what the song is all about!

here's the lyrics

You are borned to be loved, you are being loved in your life
You are borned to be loved, you are being loved in your life
Through our meeting, God's love that has been from the beginning comes to bear fruits
How great is our joy because of you in this world!
You are borned to be loved. you are being loved now
You are borned to be loved. you are being loved now

Through our meeting, God's love that has been from the beginning comes to bear fruits.
How great is our joy because of you in this world!
You are borned to be loved. you are being loved now
You are borned to be loved. you are being loved now
You are borned to be loved, you are being loved in your life
You are borned to be loved, you are being loved in your life

You are borned to be loved. you are being loved now
You are borned to be loved. you are being loved now.

the lyrics is simple yet is a nice one. same as the melody!! is easy to be picked up and is also a lovely 1. ^^

too bad i couldnt find an english version or chinese version of this hymn. anyway in whatever language it might be, the meaning behind this song ll never change. Yes! God loves us!!! and He ll always love us!!!FOREVER!!AMEN!!

AND

here goes the song! ^^ enjoy and God bless!!




ps: garh!! have been lagging these few day!! stop being lazy!! wake up wake up!! hwaiting!!^^

jetlag-so called

whenever school starts,
the first few week
i ll be struggling in finding the balance btw my sleeping time and study time
cos usually it seems that i ll prone to sleep more as in MORE literally compared to my study time!!!!!!

need determintion not to climb to my bed even when i feel sleepy
but nowadays my biological clock seems to ring the alarm at 8pm and automatically i ll feel sleepy!!!
i can even sleep while sitting on my chair!!
not good not good

too much to study
too little time
so have to sleep normally!!!!!!!

Dear Lord,
Pls give me determination and strength as i start my medical study as a 3rd year student.
and also not to forget
self-discipline and hardworks are needed to finish my 3rd year happily with no regrets!!

Mianne

chongmal mianne,
fumunim nan jinjiak mianne

hmm..dont know why nowadays i dont feel like talking to my parents and i think my parents sense that as well

really really so sorry..mayb my mood is affected by the fact that actually the school is going to resuming soon, but i din realise that the effect ll be that huge

i ll really make good use of the time that i have b4 the school starts to talk with you, daddy and mummy sincerely. I promise.

chongmal mianne
saranghae!!

just admit ^^

i wont ask much
all i need you to do is to.....
just admit it
is very easy , isnt it? ^^

God's blessings

It really makes me gasped everytime when i got to know the wonders that God has done in other ppl life.

You ll be amazed when you see this person standing on the stage calmly and healthily despite the fact that he just had a very horrendous accident which almost took his life away 2 years ago. He had to stay in ICU and was muted because of the shock that the accident has brought to him etc.

You ll be amazed to see that how it is possible that he could be so well in shape when he just discharged from the hospital 3 months later.

You might be wondering how it is possible that a person who suffered from pneumothorax b4 the accident and after the accident, his chest was the site which injured the most can breath normally and still can undergo heavy exercises although i cant firmly tell you that there isnt any post-accident effect taking place on his body after this. Yet, you wouldnt know that he had such a tragedic trauma if you are not informed about his part.

and!!
How it is possible that a person who has almost lost his hearing ability on his left ear can still smile charmingly and cheerfully when he is singing on the stage. With all his splendid performance and his heavenly sounded singing skill, you might be wondered " is he really suffering from this?"

God has really blessed his life and the faith, joy and hope that he has shown to the world indeed is a great testimony which tells us how much God loves us!

I can never figure out why God has guided him into such a journey and sometimes i might be thinking is this suitable for him. But to some extent, i have to say that if he is not who he is today, many ppl will never come to know the changes that God has made in his life. neither do i.

I just pray that God ll continue to guide him and lead him and bless him in his everyday life.
I also pray that i might not get myself confused and lost as i continue to see the works that God is going to perform in his life.Because, all in all, knowing the presence of God in our life and focus on the cross is the essence behind all these.

May God bless you too!! ^^

and

today is Hari Raya!!!
so SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all the muslims out there!!
May there ll be peace among the religion leaders and no more hatred among them.

autumn

isnt it lovely if we have 1 couple sitting on that bench?
the weather here is telling me autumn has come as is getting colder and colder.
but seeing this picture would just let you forget the freezing tempereture that is waiting for us out there and all you would like to do is to simply indulge yourself into such beutiful scenery with the person that you can spend the rest of your life with.
*sigh*
such imagination would just let you feel that life isnt that bad after all. Life is lovely and beautiful if we pay extra attention to things around us.

ps: yesterday i watched a documentary 生命中最后一个月的花嫁. i was crying like as if there is no tomorrow cos this film remembers me about my grandma who suffered from cancer. i still cant forget her teary eyes whenever she looked at me as we were cleaning up her wounds. She just couldnt spoke it out the pains that she was suffering at that moment. or during the time when i did cathetherization on her or tubing the food nasally. She just looked at me plainly with the helpless eyes. all these memories flashed back as i was watching this documentary yesterday.
anyway if you have time just watch it!! is a real story talking about a japanese 24 years old girl who suffered from breast cancer and eventually lung cancer when she had metastasis. They documented how she spent her last month of her life in the hospital cheerfully without losing up her hope.
2 thumbs up for this documentary!!

when..

when you are too free
(i m not saying that i m super free right now, is just that i havent yet felt the stress of the new sem,and yeah so to say i m kinda free at the moment)

anyway
when such time comes,
i ll feel lonely and the over whelming emptiness is all over the place
and thats the time
when my self-reflecting session starts
(thats how i used to call it, as it sounds nicer than dreaming etc)

well
you see
my self-reflecting session mainly consists of these questions
1)hmm..wouldnt it be better if there is someone whom you can share your feelings with especially at moment like such?
2) should i go out and have some fresh air? BUT there is no place for a lone ranger like me. In the end i ll stay at my room forever and start my self-reflecting session.
3) am i too ambitious? am i being too picky? come to think of that, i m already 21 years old!! hmmm not to say that i m old but is about time to plan about my future (ehem as in the future which consists of FUTURE family XD)

yeah! so mainly when i m not preoccupied with my study, all these stuffs will pop out and they will stay untill when the stress and pressure come back to me again. By that time, i ll relieve and feel somewhat happy that i m all on my own since time is so little to even space it out for others.

but again!! since now i m NOT preoccupied by books, my tiny brain seems to be not very satisfied to the current situation i m in right now.
*sigh*
i m still waiting the day to come when i can really end this on and off self-reflecting.
BUT you see
no matter how hard i try to let my neck grows longer, i still cant see whats waiting ahead of me, and i m not certain whether this day will come or not.
i have not lost my hope as God has planned everything for us and He has His perfect timing to let everything works out perfectly.

and yeah
sometimes i m a weirdo. (sprry it sounds so abrupt to talk about this as it does not match with what i have written above anyway nah who cares =P)
a self-obsessed 21-year-old immature woman (so to say XD),
with all these weird imaginations and wild thoughts and abnormal way of thinking going through this tiny brain which seriously need to clear up some space for the medical stuffs.
YET!!
when she is complaining that her brain is not enough to contain such a large sum of medical info,
she sill can squeeze out some space to let those unecessary thoughts to stay in her brain FOREVER!!! XD
*sigh*

at the moment,
i am a lone ranger who is so obsessed about kyuhyun to a stage where i call it as UNBELIEVABLE and INSANE!! =P
BUT
worry me not
as this ll come to an end very soon, i can foresee a hectic schedule is awaiting for me and i ll have to use all my energy to fight against it!! trying to survive under such buzy schedule!! all in all, i am longing to go back to malaysia next year and i really cant wait to go back XD

though i do not really fond of such self-reflecting session,
as this ll make me look a direction-less person,
yet
such moment ll be a moment which i ll be craving for when school starts.

SO SO SO
stop complaining!! XD

ps: kyuhyun-shi is having a busy schedule. Poor him *sigh*

母校

昨天，
因为老妈子必须出席讲座会
而这讲座会又是在槟华举行
所以
我回了母校！

一踏进母校
我的眼眶泛红
看着熟悉的景象
回想那时还是黄毛丫头的我
我的内心十分十分的激动!
我不知这股一直在我内心响着的鼓声是为了什么而敲打着
但是，
望着我熟悉的一景一物
它们所给予我的震撼挥之不去。

4年了，
现在的我
和以前我想象的
实在是不一样。

我才明白
那景物所带来的震撼是源自于现实与当初的梦想有些出入
就学一路以来
那股满腔对未来毕业后的期望，
逐渐在萎缩。

而我
至今仍然不知它是为了什么而萎缩。

所以 当我昨天重回母校时
它还真的是重重地把我唤醒，
唤醒我心中曾经对未来充满无限希望的憧憬。

与其说我现在失去了憧憬
倒不如说
我已经失去了想象的能力。

我的双脚
只是不停地往前走
往往都忘了为何我要往前走
也忘了
等待着我的前方
究竟有些什么

昨天的短短几分钟
我逐渐重拾曾被遗弃的那份热诚。
但是
我深知，
某些部分的旧我
一些值得秉持下去的旧我
已经渐渐的随着时间的流逝
逐渐被埋藏在一片再如何挖掘也找不回的心房里。

不好意思，我的emo如滔滔的黄河一番不可收拾 XD


ps: 小贤剪了头发，天啊！他好呆！！*窃笑*

我说

到数 十九 天
我的心一直 往下沉
很不想回家

我发现我越来越滥情
为什么 呢？
我的眼泪 很难不让它 滑落 过我的脸颊
天啊 ！
我连看小叮当 都可以哭的淅沥哗啦
看到牧师 在讲台上 讲到别人的的儿子 而想到 自己的儿子正在跟病魔挣扎，悄然留下眼泪 ，
我的眼泪 也崩堤

总而言之，
我一见 泪水 ，我的 眼泪 就像河水泛滥 ，一发不可收拾！
以后该怎样面对病人啊！
我该不会 人家哭 ，我也一面解释病情 ，一面 大哭吧？

倒数 19天
我的心 真的真的 很沉重
回去又要自己独自面对

回到家的我
还真的是满孤僻的
我整天 都窝在家里
还真的蛮像宅女的
成天对着银幕
不然就是睡大觉
啊
真的是懒猪一只
但是 这样的生活也蛮闷的
想读书
却提不起劲儿
真的是很想一头撞墙

语毕

Ps：我买了英韩字典，哈哈！学了不少单字呢 XD

^^

if i meet you by chance along the path, please acknowledge me

from travel log

this is really a nice sentence ^^

always keep the faith ^^

always keep the faith

always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith

can i??

faith passes by like a shadow

is it?

always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith
always keep the faith

can i??

老人与小孩

老人和小孩
其实他们都一样
需要我们的关怀及照顾。
=)

陌生

这感觉很陌生。

我们的距离
早在五年前被拉远了。

过于的陌生，
让我怯步了。

但是，
仍然，
我会在世界的一角
祝福你。

~珍重，友谊~